Monday, December 1, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
I find it amusing that when I asked Cadence to lie down on the grass with me tonight outside her great-grandma's Catholic church, she didn't think it was a weird idea at all. She was worried about getting her dress dirty, but when she saw me lying flat on my back in my long black skirt, she didn't hesitate at all. She didn't stay down for long (she doesn't stay in any one spot for long), but I'm glad she did it nonetheless.
Looking up, with my head against the cool, soft, surprisingly still green grass, I saw the bare branches of the tree against the night sky, reaching up and across like so many veins and arteries. There was barely a breeze, which was probably why I didn't freeze.
Just goes to show that lying in the grass is not just for summer.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Maybe someday I'll do an intentional, mindful fast. Maybe.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
today's moon is crescent and waning
like the pillsbury doughboy on a diet.
the sun can't rise without the moon
the sunrise was at 717 but the moon rose at 527
this is my dark side when i complain
about walking the dog in the cold dark
but it was 7 degrees in 1950 and what
am i really complaining about?
the day feels like the sun and moon
discs of an astrolabe switching places
to represent the passage of time
there is less and less light as we go on
until the shortest day of the year
which is when i will still
be walking to work at 5:30 am
Monday, November 24, 2008
I started the top of the drawing, folded over all but the very bottom of my portion and passed the paper on, the next person drew connected to that last piece of mine, then folded theirs over except for the very bottom and passed it on... took it to work with me so it's by the beleza crew. 5 players this time.
Here's WIKIPEDIA's definition:
Exquisite corpse (also known as "exquisite cadaver" or "rotating corpse") is a method by which a collection of words or images is collectively assembled, the result being known as the exquisite corpse or cadavre exquis in French. Each collaborator adds to a composition in sequence, either by following a rule (e.g. "The adjective noun adverb verb the adjective noun") or by being allowed to see the end of what the previous person contributed.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
a litany of litter lines the grass by the sidewalk
i read somewhere at least we're winning the war
on the environment
and i guess this is reflective of that
but the light catches on the discarded
campbells soup pull tab lid
three business cards of one sgt joshua d garma
us army recruiter reminds me of the wars
we aren't winning (poverty, iraq)
the half page torn from an activity book
an alphabetic list of fairy tale terms
(cinderella to rip van winkle)
for the missing search
no prince is coming
the sun barely shines
but the trail of lottery receipts
is the american tenacity
for hope in spite of odds
Thursday, November 20, 2008
- listening to max richter's "blue notebooks" album... nice, wistful, contemplative later fall afternoon music...
- thinking about what this will teach me...
- chatting with my younger brother, telling him i have to go...
- preparing things to bike up to albany park... spending the night at a friend's apartment to watch over cat and feed it...
- while grabbing book to study for art history exam tomorrow, broke a glass bird that was given by my mom to sadie. fuck! very frustrated and annoyed that i was so clumsy. thought about how everything is essentially "breakable" ... calmed down and accepted my mistake.
- max ricther turning into bum out session. changing to something more uplifting. decided against because the next track was happier.
- thought about the idea of logging time and how that is interpreted. do i log every moment? i just used the bathroom for instance. is that necessary? decided yes.
- stopping to think. stopping. closing eyes. listening to the music playing.
- conscious breathing. stopping myself from analyzing; instead, i'll just do whatever seems intuitive.
- decided against bringing my laptop. i can spend the evening eating food, reading, having conversation, and, perhaps, watching a movie. the rest of this log will be written.
- took down dharma garden's phone number. excited to have some delicious vegan thai food tonight!
- decided to wait a little while because there's no rush to get up to albany park. read email about how obama is committing to the climate talk negotiations happening in poland next month. exciting!
- reading dharma garden menu - happened upon this: "Come to join us with lived music and Karaoke." - happy to see they have music that is lived rather than simply listened to. active participation. we're making progress.
- feeling pretty great right now. still sitting. sitting still. paying attention to the way the reflection of the lamp looks on the surface of the table. reflection is a pretty incredible thing - both externally and internally.
- time continues... read about a friend's adventures in europe. wished i could be in europe. thought about how great things are right here, though, and appreciated being mindful of one's location, rather than aspiring to be in one's non-location.
- going to play a guitar for a little while...
- finished playing guitar. resolved to leave at 5p to both finish the hour log project and to head up to albany park.
- listened to song that i'm currently working on. trying to figure out in which direction to take it. also, thought about the fact that i'd really like to get a contact mic and see what i can do with it.
- started reading interesting article about language and its essential use: that of communication. link: http://www.thehindu.com/mag/2008/11/16/stories/2008111650110400.htm
- still reading. afterward, finally heading to albany park!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
I don't get out much on my own. Tonight, in fact, I was planning on taking Cadence with me, my little dependent co-ariser, but she had a meltdown and had to stay home. I felt a twinge of guilt, leaving her in a crying heap in Ted's arms.
It's too bad, as that playground sure looked lonely without a kid on my way home. Maybe next time...
you, me, everything;
change, oneness, emptiness;
and all conditioning too;
this, too, shall pass,
until we sense each others' awareness without the filter of conditions.
'being with' is my simple phrase for awareness presence as best as we are possible in this awakening process of dependent co-arising. All brilliantly wise masterful teachers (or the original buddha nature within all/each of us) help us to relinquish our clinging to the formal worldliness & become more deeply present with what is here and now. There is no other real moment of being, and I keep forgetting this fact. Caught up in the illusion of permanence, separateness, and meaning, I am not in control nor accepting of reality and trip into the habit of suffering. From this mentality, I am deluded, I struggle, I worry, I don't let go of my clingings. And, I sure am clinging to pain in body, suffering in mind, and exhaustion of spirit, all of which drain my energy because I am still tripping all over my desires in this life. I somehow have not fully learned dependent co-arising, even if I sorta "get it."
Nevertheless, I practice all the 'being with' in my found path of sufferings and glimpses of presence. Peaceful abiding, whenever possible.
How do you practice dependent co-arising, 'being with,' and/or conscious awareness?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Goat Tacos! Goose Island Bourbon County Stout! Lychee Liqueur! Woah! We definitely indulged a bit in the eating/drinking of the unfamiliar! And it was great!
For Lunch I was determined to go to the health food store and order the weirdest sounding thing on the menu, which for me was a: Royal Jelly, Wheat Germ Oil, Bee Pollen, Protein Powder, Pineapple and Raspberry Smoothie. It's aftertaste was kind of bread-like in a strange way, but delicious nevertheless.
For dinner, in the company of our dear friends Ryan and Jan we feasted on goat tacos from a local taqueria. I also tried the latest Goose Island bourbon stout (which I could barely finish) and followed that with lychee cocktails! Insanely good and even better when shared with such good company!
The truth is I am very familiar with this delicious vegetable...BUT I grew these, and I have never eaten brussels for which I have toiled into the earth. I enjoyed each layer, the tiny spherical form, and the perfect saute'd crunch. I thought of the compost, the planting, weeding, bending, and watering that went into them. ...this must be the best way to enjoy a vegetable.
I grew up in a town with one Chinese restaurant, and so when I grew up I tried any kind of food anywhere. Thus it was hard on short notice to think of somewhere to get something i hadn't yet tried. I once went to a bubble tea restaurant and ordered the thing on the menu i had no idea what it was (taro cake) and it was delicious. After a day that went steadily downhill, including a $93 parking ticket, I thought perhaps something simple was in order. I went to our stock of teas and found one I'd never tried. A tetley drawstring tea, flavored summer berry, a nostalgic flavor in this cold weather!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
When I put my face against my dog’s,
I smell dirt and grass and whatever he last rolled in.
When he kisses my lips, a coppery after-taste
remains as a reminder.
It is not so much that I like the pungent outdoor odor
or the sharp metallic taste
as that I love my dog
and those smells and that taste are associated with him,
so that some of the love for the being
is transferred onto the attributes.
Then, each smell, each taste, apart from the being,
is attached to a memory of a face pressed against mine—
It may hit me miles away.
A cool fall breeze reminding me of the scent
of my dog returning indoors from wrestling
with a pile of orange leaves.
This is what I felt when I drank Guinness after you—
in tasting what your mouth savored,
I tasted you.
When I drink Guinness,
it is because I want
to kiss you.
In your always present absence
it is my dog who kisses my face.
But just for a second, I imagine
there is a smell of spiced leather
and a taste
mornings that come too early
movies on the french revolution
lazy lunch hours
the feeling of being at home
with foreign entities, with old friends
breathe out, breathe out....
i can't help but smile.
With today's onslaught of inclement weather. With today's uprooting of the familiar, the comfortable, the secure. With a heart both sure and unsure, relieved and hesitant. With all of these factors fluctuating about in my head and heart and mind: What a great reminder today's dependent co-arising was and is.
Cold weather season, allergic-asthma time of year, plus more anxiety than usual. This practice takes work: to exhale worry (over things I can't control) & inhale calm.
Last night I went with my dad and bro to a college football game in Dekalb, Illinois, and it was so outside the realm of usual weeknight goings-on (and so cold) that I took time to notice to my breath [breath pictured].
Deep breaths take work. Trying not to return to my default settings takes work! In any case, the breaths looked nice floating out over Huskie Stadium.
Also breathing easier last night: the Central Michigan football team, having beat Northern Illinois 33-30 in overtime.