Thursday, November 20, 2008

I did.
- lost & error-

she didn't hear it.
Today I found myself challenged in my endeavors to give everyone the benefit of the doubt; to be understanding of circumstances that I don't understand and haven't lived; and to not let negativity I cannot control get under my skin. I had a difficult morning and was a little beside myself anyway - I was running late and was a little disoriented; I took a route unfamiliar to me and almost got off on the wrong stop several times. When I got off at the correct spot, I exited the station from the wrong direction and took a minute to get my bearings. Also,  it was cold today and I hadn't dressed properly for it. Because of my lateness, I started walking quickly down the street. As I passed the McDonald's (perhaps the Dunkin' Donuts) a man exited quickly ahead of me and started screaming. Literally yelling at the top of his lungs in the direction of a blonde woman, who walked nervously ahead of him. I followed slowly behind, not wanting to catch his attention. When I had the chance, I crossed the street. The blonde woman turned a corner and someone told the yelling man to stop hassling her. Then he turned and saw me. He followed me for about a block, yelling at me; calling me a "devil white woman" and saying that I was a sex fiend, a necrophiliac, that my mother was a whore. Needless to say, having a complete stranger focus all of their anger and hatred solely at you is unsettling. People were beginning to notice and a woman offered to walk with me until I had gotten to my destination. She tried to make me feel a little more comfortable told me that she'd make sure he didn't do anything. A man who had been walking behind us stopped the yelling man and tried to talk him down, eventually getting him to stop shouting. What I really appreciated was that these two people got involved in a charged and somewhat frightening situation by trying to comfort and diffuse - not by starting a fight or yelling back. It made the experience almost OK; knowing that people won't hesitate to step in and help another person. I do hope that the yelling man finds some help (I assume that he needs it) and support. Today though I would like to compliment the strangers who helped me - I only got to say a sort of meek "thanks" before they walked away. What great people to be willing to get themselves involved in a very uncomfortable situation in order to help someone they don't even know. Something like this really encapsulates the experience of living in a big city - full of scary and unknown elements but still with a sense of community and love. 

A tribute to the "Log Lady"

NOVEMBER 19, 2008 - 4:00p-5:00p

4:00p sharp...
- listening to max richter's "blue notebooks" album... nice, wistful, contemplative later fall afternoon music...
- thinking about what this will teach me...
- chatting with my younger brother, telling him i have to go...

- preparing things to bike up to albany park... spending the night at a friend's apartment to watch over cat and feed it...

- while grabbing book to study for art history exam tomorrow, broke a glass bird that was given by my mom to sadie. fuck! very frustrated and annoyed that i was so clumsy. thought about how everything is essentially "breakable" ... calmed down and accepted my mistake.

- still preparing things and figuring out whether i need certain items.

- max ricther turning into bum out session. changing to something more uplifting. decided against because the next track was happier.

- thought about the idea of logging time and how that is interpreted. do i log every moment? i just used the bathroom for instance. is that necessary? decided yes.

- stopping to think. stopping. closing eyes. listening to the music playing.

- conscious breathing. stopping myself from analyzing; instead, i'll just do whatever seems intuitive.

- decided against bringing my laptop. i can spend the evening eating food, reading, having conversation, and, perhaps, watching a movie. the rest of this log will be written.

- took down dharma garden's phone number. excited to have some delicious vegan thai food tonight!

- decided to wait a little while because there's no rush to get up to albany park. read email about how obama is committing to the climate talk negotiations happening in poland next month. exciting!

- reading dharma garden menu - happened upon this: "Come to join us with lived music and Karaoke." - happy to see they have music that is lived rather than simply listened to. active participation. we're making progress.

- feeling pretty great right now. still sitting. sitting still. paying attention to the way the reflection of the lamp looks on the surface of the table. reflection is a pretty incredible thing - both externally and internally.

- time continues... read about a friend's adventures in europe. wished i could be in europe. thought about how great things are right here, though, and appreciated being mindful of one's location, rather than aspiring to be in one's non-location.

- going to play a guitar for a little while...

- finished playing guitar. resolved to leave at 5p to both finish the hour log project and to head up to albany park.

- listened to song that i'm currently working on. trying to figure out in which direction to take it. also, thought about the fact that i'd really like to get a contact mic and see what i can do with it.

- started reading interesting article about language and its essential use: that of communication. link:

- still reading. afterward, finally heading to albany park!