The Grass Was Green Tonight

I find it amusing that when I asked Cadence to lie down on the grass with me tonight outside her great-grandma's Catholic church, she didn't think it was a weird idea at all. She was worried about getting her dress dirty, but when she saw me lying flat on my back in my long black skirt, she didn't hesitate at all. She didn't stay down for long (she doesn't stay in any one spot for long), but I'm glad she did it nonetheless.

Looking up, with my head against the cool, soft, surprisingly still green grass, I saw the bare branches of the tree against the night sky, reaching up and across like so many veins and arteries. There was barely a breeze, which was probably why I didn't freeze.

Just goes to show that lying in the grass is not just for summer.

The Unintentional Fast

I have to admit that I had no intention of fasting today. However, caught up in the busyness of a bunch of not very important things, I ended up fasting from 6am to 2:30pm. This was far from a fast of mindfulness, and more a fast of pure laziness. At the end of the day, while driving downtown amongst the throngs of people finishing up shopping before the Thanksgiving "fast" of closed shops, I thought about how easily I get sucked into the frenzy or how I can afford to fast knowing that there will be food whenever I want it if I take the time.

Maybe someday I'll do an intentional, mindful fast. Maybe.

the secret society of people who are up before dawn

today's moon is crescent and waning
like the pillsbury doughboy on a diet.
the sun can't rise without the moon
the sunrise was at 717 but the moon rose at 527
this is my dark side when i complain
about walking the dog in the cold dark
but it was 7 degrees in 1950 and what
am i really complaining about?
the day feels like the sun and moon
discs of an astrolabe switching places
to represent the passage of time
there is less and less light as we go on
until the shortest day of the year
which is when i will still
be walking to work at 5:30 am

All in green

I drew the triangle. Cadence drew the rest. If you ask her what it is, she'll look at you with pity and reply,"A triangle."

Exquisite Corpse

I started the top of the drawing, folded over all but the very bottom of my portion and passed the paper on, the next person drew connected to that last piece of mine, then folded theirs over except for the very bottom and passed it on... took it to work with me so it's by the beleza crew. 5 players this time.

Here's WIKIPEDIA's definition:

Exquisite corpse (also known as "exquisite cadaver" or "rotating corpse") is a method by which a collection of words or images is collectively assembled, the result being known as the exquisite corpse or cadavre exquis in French. Each collaborator adds to a composition in sequence, either by following a rule (e.g. "The adjective noun adverb verb the adjective noun") or by being allowed to see the end of what the previous person contributed.

i really

i really don't think this is a possibility
for me.

i

i can't even begin to
try.


not even now.




or now.

10

10 images. One person.

Ten Times

record of items encountered in allegheny commons park

america

a litany of litter lines the grass by the sidewalk
i read somewhere at least we're winning the war
on the environment
and i guess this is reflective of that
but the light catches on the discarded
campbells soup pull tab lid
three business cards of one sgt joshua d garma
us army recruiter reminds me of the wars
we aren't winning (poverty, iraq)
the half page torn from an activity book
an alphabetic list of fairy tale terms
(cinderella to rip van winkle)
for the missing search
no prince is coming
the sun barely shines
but the trail of lottery receipts
is the american tenacity
for hope in spite of odds

I did.
- lost & error-

she didn't hear it.

Today I found myself challenged in my endeavors to give everyone the benefit of the doubt; to be understanding of circumstances that I don't understand and haven't lived; and to not let negativity I cannot control get under my skin. I had a difficult morning and was a little beside myself anyway - I was running late and was a little disoriented; I took a route unfamiliar to me and almost got off on the wrong stop several times. When I got off at the correct spot, I exited the station from the wrong direction and took a minute to get my bearings. Also,  it was cold today and I hadn't dressed properly for it. Because of my lateness, I started walking quickly down the street. As I passed the McDonald's (perhaps the Dunkin' Donuts) a man exited quickly ahead of me and started screaming. Literally yelling at the top of his lungs in the direction of a blonde woman, who walked nervously ahead of him. I followed slowly behind, not wanting to catch his attention. When I had the chance, I crossed the street. The blonde woman turned a corner and someone told the yelling man to stop hassling her. Then he turned and saw me. He followed me for about a block, yelling at me; calling me a "devil white woman" and saying that I was a sex fiend, a necrophiliac, that my mother was a whore. Needless to say, having a complete stranger focus all of their anger and hatred solely at you is unsettling. People were beginning to notice and a woman offered to walk with me until I had gotten to my destination. She tried to make me feel a little more comfortable told me that she'd make sure he didn't do anything. A man who had been walking behind us stopped the yelling man and tried to talk him down, eventually getting him to stop shouting. What I really appreciated was that these two people got involved in a charged and somewhat frightening situation by trying to comfort and diffuse - not by starting a fight or yelling back. It made the experience almost OK; knowing that people won't hesitate to step in and help another person. I do hope that the yelling man finds some help (I assume that he needs it) and support. Today though I would like to compliment the strangers who helped me - I only got to say a sort of meek "thanks" before they walked away. What great people to be willing to get themselves involved in a very uncomfortable situation in order to help someone they don't even know. Something like this really encapsulates the experience of living in a big city - full of scary and unknown elements but still with a sense of community and love. 

A tribute to the "Log Lady"

NOVEMBER 19, 2008 - 4:00p-5:00p

4:00p sharp...
- listening to max richter's "blue notebooks" album... nice, wistful, contemplative later fall afternoon music...
- thinking about what this will teach me...
- chatting with my younger brother, telling him i have to go...

4:02p
- preparing things to bike up to albany park... spending the night at a friend's apartment to watch over cat and feed it...

4:08p
- while grabbing book to study for art history exam tomorrow, broke a glass bird that was given by my mom to sadie. fuck! very frustrated and annoyed that i was so clumsy. thought about how everything is essentially "breakable" ... calmed down and accepted my mistake.

4:11p

- still preparing things and figuring out whether i need certain items.

4:14
- max ricther turning into bum out session. changing to something more uplifting. decided against because the next track was happier.

4:15p
- thought about the idea of logging time and how that is interpreted. do i log every moment? i just used the bathroom for instance. is that necessary? decided yes.

4:16p
- stopping to think. stopping. closing eyes. listening to the music playing.

4:17p
- conscious breathing. stopping myself from analyzing; instead, i'll just do whatever seems intuitive.

4:18p
- decided against bringing my laptop. i can spend the evening eating food, reading, having conversation, and, perhaps, watching a movie. the rest of this log will be written.

4:21p
- took down dharma garden's phone number. excited to have some delicious vegan thai food tonight!

4:22p
- decided to wait a little while because there's no rush to get up to albany park. read email about how obama is committing to the climate talk negotiations happening in poland next month. exciting!

4:26p
- reading dharma garden menu - happened upon this: "Come to join us with lived music and Karaoke." - happy to see they have music that is lived rather than simply listened to. active participation. we're making progress.

4:31p
- feeling pretty great right now. still sitting. sitting still. paying attention to the way the reflection of the lamp looks on the surface of the table. reflection is a pretty incredible thing - both externally and internally.

4:34p
- time continues... read about a friend's adventures in europe. wished i could be in europe. thought about how great things are right here, though, and appreciated being mindful of one's location, rather than aspiring to be in one's non-location.

4:39p
- going to play a guitar for a little while...

4:50p
- finished playing guitar. resolved to leave at 5p to both finish the hour log project and to head up to albany park.

4:53p
- listened to song that i'm currently working on. trying to figure out in which direction to take it. also, thought about the fact that i'd really like to get a contact mic and see what i can do with it.

4:59p
- started reading interesting article about language and its essential use: that of communication. link: http://www.thehindu.com/mag/2008/11/16/stories/2008111650110400.htm

5:00p
- still reading. afterward, finally heading to albany park!

11:00-11:59 PM

more than an hour with little white seabass.

take another look,

we have no way of knowing
if we see the same color
for blue
we have been conditioned
the sky is blue
the ocean is blue
so anything resembling these hues
is called blue
I don't know if I ever really loved
you might see green
for my blue

Another Look

Let's take more looks.  

Let's look again and again toward ever unfolding possibilities.  Let's 

never pretend we've figured things out forever.  

Let's 

let 

go.  

Let's let people be themselves, free of preconception or 

expectation.  Free from fear.  

Free toward fulness of body, mind, 

heart, 

and soul.  

Let's always look again. 

Jam Session

Me on drums, fiance Rado on accordion, just a small sample from our jam session

harmoไน๊ซ์

kiss talking

TRY THIS:

1. Find someone you can kiss.

2. Decide together something to say.

3. Say it simultaneously, lips touching.

4. Harmonize.