Dependent Co-Arising

Soon...

2009-09-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

We'll co-arise again!!!

2008-12-01T16:21:00.000-08:00

So.

Twenty days and twenty actions have passed.

It kind of flew by.

It was wonderful, and daunting, and inspired, and perhaps too much, but it was what it was, and we are now left with an end which is, of course, a beginning. What do we do now? The original plan for this dependent co-arising has come and gone, yet it isn't over, is it?

I believe we may (no promises) make this beginning into a book of sorts. What do you think of that co-arisers? What other ideas do you have? How might we continue? What did you like about this? What didn't you like?

Ideas? Opinions?

And a huge heartfelt thanks to you all for lending yourselves and your voices to this!

Taking Care of My Cold

2008-11-30T18:12:00.001-08:00

The Grass Was Green Tonight

2008-11-29T19:32:00.001-08:00

I find it amusing that when I asked Cadence to lie down on the grass with me tonight outside her great-grandma's Catholic church, she didn't think it was a weird idea at all. She was worried about getting her dress dirty, but when she saw me lying flat on my back in my long black skirt, she didn't hesitate at all. She didn't stay down for long (she doesn't stay in any one spot for long), but I'm glad she did it nonetheless.

Looking up, with my head against the cool, soft, surprisingly still green grass, I saw the bare branches of the tree against the night sky, reaching up and across like so many veins and arteries. There was barely a breeze, which was probably why I didn't freeze.

Just goes to show that lying in the grass is not just for summer.

The Unintentional Fast

2008-11-26T23:59:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that I had no intention of fasting today. However, caught up in the busyness of a bunch of not very important things, I ended up fasting from 6am to 2:30pm. This was far from a fast of mindfulness, and more a fast of pure laziness. At the end of the day, while driving downtown amongst the throngs of people finishing up shopping before the Thanksgiving "fast" of closed shops, I thought about how easily I get sucked into the frenzy or how I can afford to fast knowing that there will be food whenever I want it if I take the time.

Maybe someday I'll do an intentional, mindful fast. Maybe.

the secret society of people who are up before dawn

2008-11-25T14:25:00.000-08:00

today's moon is crescent and waning
like the pillsbury doughboy on a diet.
the sun can't rise without the moon
the sunrise was at 717 but the moon rose at 527
this is my dark side when i complain
about walking the dog in the cold dark
but it was 7 degrees in 1950 and what
am i really complaining about?
the day feels like the sun and moon
discs of an astrolabe switching places
to represent the passage of time
there is less and less light as we go on
until the shortest day of the year
which is when i will still
be walking to work at 5:30 am

All in green

2008-11-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

I drew the triangle. Cadence drew the rest. If you ask her what it is, she'll look at you with pity and reply,"A triangle."

Exquisite Corpse

2008-11-24T14:31:00.000-08:00

I started the top of the drawing, folded over all but the very bottom of my portion and passed the paper on, the next person drew connected to that last piece of mine, then folded theirs over except for the very bottom and passed it on... took it to work with me so it's by the beleza crew. 5 players this time.

Here's WIKIPEDIA's definition:

Exquisite corpse (also known as "exquisite cadaver" or "rotating corpse") is a method by which a collection of words or images is collectively assembled, the result being known as the exquisite corpse or cadavre exquis in French. Each collaborator adds to a composition in sequence, either by following a rule (e.g. "The adjective noun adverb verb the adjective noun") or by being allowed to see the end of what the previous person contributed.

2008-11-23T21:51:00.000-08:00

i really

i really don't think this is a possibility
for me.

i

i can't even begin to
try.

not even now.

or now.

2008-11-23T20:54:00.000-08:00

10

2008-11-22T22:32:00.000-08:00

10 images. One person.

Ten Times

2008-11-22T18:09:00.000-08:00

record of items encountered in allegheny commons park

2008-11-22T17:11:00.000-08:00

america

a litany of litter lines the grass by the sidewalk
i read somewhere at least we're winning the war
on the environment
and i guess this is reflective of that
but the light catches on the discarded
campbells soup pull tab lid
three business cards of one sgt joshua d garma
us army recruiter reminds me of the wars
we aren't winning (poverty, iraq)
the half page torn from an activity book
an alphabetic list of fairy tale terms
(cinderella to rip van winkle)
for the missing search
no prince is coming
the sun barely shines
but the trail of lottery receipts
is the american tenacity
for hope in spite of odds

2008-11-20T20:23:00.001-08:00

I did.
- lost & error-

she didn't hear it.

2008-11-20T13:11:00.000-08:00

Today I found myself challenged in my endeavors to give everyone the benefit of the doubt; to be understanding of circumstances that I don't understand and haven't lived; and to not let negativity I cannot control get under my skin. I had a difficult morning and was a little beside myself anyway - I was running late and was a little disoriented; I took a route unfamiliar to me and almost got off on the wrong stop several times. When I got off at the correct spot, I exited the station from the wrong direction and took a minute to get my bearings. Also, it was cold today and I hadn't dressed properly for it. Because of my lateness, I started walking quickly down the street. As I passed the McDonald's (perhaps the Dunkin' Donuts) a man exited quickly ahead of me and started screaming. Literally yelling at the top of his lungs in the direction of a blonde woman, who walked nervously ahead of him. I followed slowly behind, not wanting to catch his attention. When I had the chance, I crossed the street. The blonde woman turned a corner and someone told the yelling man to stop hassling her. Then he turned and saw me. He followed me for about a block, yelling at me; calling me a "devil white woman" and saying that I was a sex fiend, a necrophiliac, that my mother was a whore. Needless to say, having a complete stranger focus all of their anger and hatred solely at you is unsettling. People were beginning to notice and a woman offered to walk with me until I had gotten to my destination. She tried to make me feel a little more comfortable told me that she'd make sure he didn't do anything. A man who had been walking behind us stopped the yelling man and tried to talk him down, eventually getting him to stop shouting. What I really appreciated was that these two people got involved in a charged and somewhat frightening situation by trying to comfort and diffuse - not by starting a fight or yelling back. It made the experience almost OK; knowing that people won't hesitate to step in and help another person. I do hope that the yelling man finds some help (I assume that he needs it) and support. Today though I would like to compliment the strangers who helped me - I only got to say a sort of meek "thanks" before they walked away. What great people to be willing to get themselves involved in a very uncomfortable situation in order to help someone they don't even know. Something like this really encapsulates the experience of living in a big city - full of scary and unknown elements but still with a sense of community and love.

A tribute to the "Log Lady"

2008-11-20T12:45:00.000-08:00

NOVEMBER 19, 2008 - 4:00p-5:00p

4:00p sharp...
- listening to max richter's "blue notebooks" album... nice, wistful, contemplative later fall afternoon music...
- thinking about what this will teach me...
- chatting with my younger brother, telling him i have to go...

4:02p
- preparing things to bike up to albany park... spending the night at a friend's apartment to watch over cat and feed it...

4:08p
- while grabbing book to study for art history exam tomorrow, broke a glass bird that was given by my mom to sadie. fuck! very frustrated and annoyed that i was so clumsy. thought about how everything is essentially "breakable" ... calmed down and accepted my mistake.

4:11p

- still preparing things and figuring out whether i need certain items.

4:14
- max ricther turning into bum out session. changing to something more uplifting. decided against because the next track was happier.

4:15p
- thought about the idea of logging time and how that is interpreted. do i log every moment? i just used the bathroom for instance. is that necessary? decided yes.

4:16p
- stopping to think. stopping. closing eyes. listening to the music playing.

4:17p
- conscious breathing. stopping myself from analyzing; instead, i'll just do whatever seems intuitive.

4:18p
- decided against bringing my laptop. i can spend the evening eating food, reading, having conversation, and, perhaps, watching a movie. the rest of this log will be written.

4:21p
- took down dharma garden's phone number. excited to have some delicious vegan thai food tonight!

4:22p
- decided to wait a little while because there's no rush to get up to albany park. read email about how obama is committing to the climate talk negotiations happening in poland next month. exciting!

4:26p
- reading dharma garden menu - happened upon this: "Come to join us with lived music and Karaoke." - happy to see they have music that is lived rather than simply listened to. active participation. we're making progress.

4:31p
- feeling pretty great right now. still sitting. sitting still. paying attention to the way the reflection of the lamp looks on the surface of the table. reflection is a pretty incredible thing - both externally and internally.

4:34p
- time continues... read about a friend's adventures in europe. wished i could be in europe. thought about how great things are right here, though, and appreciated being mindful of one's location, rather than aspiring to be in one's non-location.

4:39p
- going to play a guitar for a little while...

4:50p
- finished playing guitar. resolved to leave at 5p to both finish the hour log project and to head up to albany park.

4:53p
- listened to song that i'm currently working on. trying to figure out in which direction to take it. also, thought about the fact that i'd really like to get a contact mic and see what i can do with it.

4:59p
- started reading interesting article about language and its essential use: that of communication. link: http://www.thehindu.com/mag/2008/11/16/stories/2008111650110400.htm

5:00p
- still reading. afterward, finally heading to albany park!

11:00-11:59 PM

2008-11-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

2008-11-19T21:40:00.000-08:00

more than an hour with little white seabass.

take another look,

2008-11-18T23:59:00.000-08:00

we have no way of knowing
if we see the same color
for blue
we have been conditioned
the sky is blue
the ocean is blue
so anything resembling these hues
is called blue
I don't know if I ever really loved
you might see green
for my blue

Another Look

2008-11-18T23:05:00.000-08:00

Let's take more looks.

Let's look again and again toward ever unfolding possibilities. Let's

never pretend we've figured things out forever.

Let's

let

go.

Let's let people be themselves, free of preconception or

expectation. Free from fear.

Free toward fulness of body, mind,

heart,

and soul.

Let's always look again.

Jam Session

2008-11-17T23:59:00.000-08:00

Me on drums, fiance Rado on accordion, just a small sample from our jam session

harmoไน๊ซ์

2008-11-17T21:58:00.000-08:00

kiss talking

2008-11-17T19:56:00.000-08:00

TRY THIS:

1. Find someone you can kiss.

2. Decide together something to say.

3. Say it simultaneously, lips touching.

4. Harmonize.

Happy Birthday harmony

2008-11-17T14:56:00.001-08:00

This afternoon I had the pleasure of hosting my brother and Ben Solee for lunch. Ben is a cellist/folk musician on tour, and he is playing tonight in Chicago. My brother and I both remembered that it was my dad's birthday today and we all sang in harmony to my dad over the phone while Ben played the the old tune. Happy Birthday Dad!

2008-11-16T20:11:00.000-08:00

After a long talk.

Warm Tears.

3 Full Breaths.

lavender wand

2008-11-16T18:00:00.000-08:00

I was discussing the purpose and beauty of my homemade lavender wand with Ryan and Jan (mostly magic and aromatherapy), and it soon became apparent that Jan should have this wand since she is always working so hard writing papers, reading, and being a really excellent student (and awesome!) She returned the gift with a 3 breath embrace. It's a pretty intense thing taking 3 breaths with someone, whatever their relationship to you...very spiritual.

2008-11-16T14:00:00.000-08:00

smells green and pale blue.

2008-11-15T20:02:00.000-08:00

1. Shoes

2. Painting

A Sweet Offering

2008-11-15T19:55:00.000-08:00

Di una galleta a un profesor de español quien tiene una motocicleta.

I gave a cookie to a spanish teacher who has a motorcycle.

Ys? Yes!

2008-11-15T16:40:00.000-08:00

To give something away is a pretty open suggestion. I hadn't been giving it too much thought until time began besting us in our afternoon/evening out on the town. We'd been enjoying ourselves immensely, eating a lovely lunch, catching an incredible film, walking while sipping warm beverages, and the sun, trickster that it is, decided to settle in (So Early!) for the evening.

So: Faced with the impending darkness of a night that has been making itself known earlier, and earlier, and altogether too early to make any sense whatsoever, we decided to quicken our steps in pursuit of something to give away.

After about an hour in pursuit of the aforementioned something, I settled upon a record I have known, and liked, and loved, and lost: Joanna Newsom's Ys. This record is very good. It is. Indeed. And I desired to give it away, to someone, a stranger, who had hopefully never heard of her, or her strangely titled album. And so we walked about, crossed streets, stood in front of the new Uncle Dan's store in Evanston, and waited.

Moments later, Jen and Chris paid their parking meter and were approached by Jan and I, as innocently as possible, with a short explanation of what we've been doing here at dependent co-arising. Jen had never heard of Joanna Newsom, so I offered her the album.

It was a simple enough transaction, verging on the outrageous. Such actions rarely, perhaps never, take place. Positive confrontations with strangers who'd like to give you a gift? No questions asked? Preposterous! Perhaps. But also wonderful, and freeing, and lovely.

I hope Jen and Chris had/have a good night. I hope Jen enjoys the album, and if not, no problem. The act, the experience, was valuable enough.

If you, Jen or Chris, remember the web-address of this lil' blog, thank you for participating, for receiving a gift, and take care!

Sculpture Rising

2008-11-14T23:59:00.000-08:00

i had to do this one virtually...

A Berry Wonderful Walk!

2008-11-14T22:00:00.000-08:00

Evanston, IL: Walk two blocks, turn left. Walk three blocks, turn right. Create a sculpture, right in the middle of Northwestern University's campus, among the scavenging squirrels whose mouths and bellies are full of the delectable detritus forgotten by students and faculty alike.

All of these berries, so common yet so unknown, scattered in the grass next to the sidewalk. Some minutes spent scavenging squirrel-like, knees bent, fingernails collecting cold dirt. And then kneeling, again, on the cement, placing each berry upon its surface, purposefully, for peace, for love, for the pleasant surprise it might hopefully be.

Hands red with cold. An Americano, a White Chocolate Mocha, for warmth.

Jan and I walking, the sky darkening, streetlights flickering.

Hearts full of joy, love,

Peace and Possibility.

Night Walk

2008-11-14T19:43:00.000-08:00

Walk two blocks (Albion, Arthur), turn left (on Arthur). Walk three blocks (Clark, Ashland, Bosworth), turn right (on Bosworth). Create a sculpture. A sculpture...I am a photographer, not a sculptor. What could I possibly create? Twigs and leaves and maple seeds are all I have to work with.

I don't get out much on my own. Tonight, in fact, I was planning on taking Cadence with me, my little dependent co-ariser, but she had a meltdown and had to stay home. I felt a twinge of guilt, leaving her in a crying heap in Ted's arms.

It's too bad, as that playground sure looked lonely without a kid on my way home. Maybe next time...

2008-11-14T17:57:00.000-08:00

_ _ _

I ;

'being with," unqualified

2008-11-14T11:10:00.000-08:00

This, here, now;
you, me, everything;
change, oneness, emptiness;
and all conditioning too;
this, too, shall pass,
until we sense each others' awareness without the filter of conditions.

'being with' is my simple phrase for awareness presence as best as we are possible in this awakening process of dependent co-arising. All brilliantly wise masterful teachers (or the original buddha nature within all/each of us) help us to relinquish our clinging to the formal worldliness & become more deeply present with what is here and now. There is no other real moment of being, and I keep forgetting this fact. Caught up in the illusion of permanence, separateness, and meaning, I am not in control nor accepting of reality and trip into the habit of suffering. From this mentality, I am deluded, I struggle, I worry, I don't let go of my clingings. And, I sure am clinging to pain in body, suffering in mind, and exhaustion of spirit, all of which drain my energy because I am still tripping all over my desires in this life. I somehow have not fully learned dependent co-arising, even if I sorta "get it."

Nevertheless, I practice all the 'being with' in my found path of sufferings and glimpses of presence. Peaceful abiding, whenever possible.

How do you practice dependent co-arising, 'being with,' and/or conscious awareness?

Chivos!

2008-11-13T22:30:00.000-08:00

Goat Tacos! Goose Island Bourbon County Stout! Lychee Liqueur! Woah! We definitely indulged a bit in the eating/drinking of the unfamiliar! And it was great!

We ate around the table, taking breaks to lend our glitter glue pens, our colored pencils, and our markers to the blank piece of paper that we placed in the center of the table. Slowly, gradually, colors and shapes began to form, began to converse, overlap, enter, and exit. The drawing, the eating, the drinking: all were reminders of the dependent co-arising that is the root of all life and all experience.

Thank you Jan, Michael, and Sara for sharing the evening with me, and thank you everyone, all of you, for giving these actions your daily attention!

I should have loved you less......The foods of regret.

2008-11-13T21:49:00.000-08:00

I seek no adventure. I seek the same pain I have always known. "Red" (with knife) was delicious. "Red" (in coffee cup with knife) was even better. "Grey" water—I remember our night (alone). My stomach is the dish I never wash. I prepare the food with a tongue donning a fluffy hat...speaking French without my consent. I never opened a can I didn't like. Sex Eyes.

2008-11-13T21:15:00.000-08:00

Today's project happened for me in two parts:

For Lunch I was determined to go to the health food store and order the weirdest sounding thing on the menu, which for me was a: Royal Jelly, Wheat Germ Oil, Bee Pollen, Protein Powder, Pineapple and Raspberry Smoothie. It's aftertaste was kind of bread-like in a strange way, but delicious nevertheless.

and

For dinner, in the company of our dear friends Ryan and Jan we feasted on goat tacos from a local taqueria. I also tried the latest Goose Island bourbon stout (which I could barely finish) and followed that with lychee cocktails! Insanely good and even better when shared with such good company!

south side samples

2008-11-13T21:00:00.000-08:00

i actually went hunting today for something unfamiliar, toiling over various options - where would i be willing to draw the line?

we decided a new ale would maybe be in order and, as hyde park is lavish in its liquor options we went to the local store.

oddly we did not manage to find something new - rather, new and unfamiliar things were forced upon us! well, me. my seemingly impressionable, wide eyed self incurred the marketing power of several different brands of liquor. ironically, as if they were aware of my objectives, all the multitude of samples were unfamiliar to me - porter, sherry, energy vodka drinks. the salespeople were downright committed to getting me to try something unfamiliar.

and today, i was committed to oblige.

i obliged four different samples, in fact, obliged the little plastic cups, the spirited pitches from the great variety of salespeople, the barrage of personal questions that tend to accompany these sorts of encounters. little did they know their energy was poorly spent in trying to get me to purchase, but richly spent in helping me to co-arise!

something in the deepest pitch.

2008-11-13T18:58:00.000-08:00

something in the deepest pitch

is rather

bitter

and

foggy.

the last of me.

the drink of myself.

Brussels sprouts

2008-11-13T18:16:00.002-08:00

The truth is I am very familiar with this delicious vegetable...BUT I grew these, and I have never eaten brussels for which I have toiled into the earth. I enjoyed each layer, the tiny spherical form, and the perfect saute'd crunch. I thought of the compost, the planting, weeding, bending, and watering that went into them. ...this must be the best way to enjoy a vegetable.

Putting the Billy On

2008-11-13T18:16:00.001-08:00

I grew up in a town with one Chinese restaurant, and so when I grew up I tried any kind of food anywhere. Thus it was hard on short notice to think of somewhere to get something i hadn't yet tried. I once went to a bubble tea restaurant and ordered the thing on the menu i had no idea what it was (taro cake) and it was delicious. After a day that went steadily downhill, including a $93 parking ticket, I thought perhaps something simple was in order. I went to our stock of teas and found one I'd never tried. A tetley drawstring tea, flavored summer berry, a nostalgic flavor in this cold weather!

breathe

2008-11-13T15:20:00.000-08:00

I tried to breathe away my headache and exhale a smile when I didnt feel like it last night. It was and unnatural feeling when I felt kind of yucky. I also made some chocolate pudding to help my state... I heard once that the way the muscles in our faces are constructed, it is more natural to smile than to frown...that it takes more concerted effort from our facial muscles to frown. Try it!

Breathe...

2008-11-12T23:59:00.001-08:00

Early afternoon at home and in bed with Cadence, listening to the soundtrack of countless naptimes and bedtimes. Big Star...Jeff Tweedy...Sam Beam...Rachel Goswell...And as is usually the case, even an hyperenergetic preschooler like Cadence is no match for the magically sleepy rhythm of Mojave 3's "Love Songs On the Radio." And now I listen to her breathe, so perfectly true to her name, in and out, in and out. And just for a moment, I join in. Breathing in, I calm myself. Breathing out, I smile. Breathing in, I calm myself. Breathing out, I smile.

Breathe in red fur; Smile

2008-11-12T23:59:00.000-08:00

My Dependent Co-Arising quest moved to Ohio as I visited my family, including my two boys (dogs) Akira and Shiro.

Sensory Recall

When I put my face against my dog’s,

I smell dirt and grass and whatever he last rolled in.

When he kisses my lips, a coppery after-taste
remains as a reminder.

It is not so much that I like the pungent outdoor odor

or the sharp metallic taste

as that I love my dog

and those smells and that taste are associated with him,

so that some of the love for the being

is transferred onto the attributes.

Then, each smell, each taste, apart from the being,
is attached to a memory of a face pressed against mine—

It may hit me miles away.

A cool fall breeze reminding me of the scent
of my dog returning indoors from wrestling
with a pile of orange leaves.

This is what I felt when I drank Guinness after you—

in tasting what your mouth savored,

I tasted you.

When I drink Guinness,

it is because I want

to kiss you.

In your always present absence

it is my dog who kisses my face.

But just for a second, I imagine

there is a smell of spiced leather

and a taste

of Guinness.

in/out

2008-11-12T22:39:00.000-08:00

breathe in.....
mornings that come too early
movies on the french revolution
lazy lunch hours
psychological disorders
afternoonnaps
intimate conversations
honest confrontations
warm hours
trappist ales
the feeling of being at home
with foreign entities, with old friends

breathe out, breathe out....
i can't help but smile.

2008-11-12T22:16:00.000-08:00

Breathing in an empty room, counting to six, forgetting what to think about, zoning out, staring, zoning, zoning, peace.

Sweet Breath I Was Only Joking

2008-11-12T21:24:00.000-08:00

My Lungs

2008-11-12T20:13:00.001-08:00

Today, while eating lunch, I made a concerted effort to understand what it was I had before me. I thought of the land, the hands, the movement; I thought of everything that preceded the food before me. I considered its texture, the warmth, the nourishment. I breathed out... breathed in. It felt great.

before smile

2008-11-12T19:38:00.000-08:00

before smile_

_ seeing a baby with a foreign heart.

Breathe... Breathe... Breathe...

2008-11-12T18:11:00.000-08:00

With today's onslaught of inclement weather. With today's uprooting of the familiar, the comfortable, the secure. With a heart both sure and unsure, relieved and hesitant. With all of these factors fluctuating about in my head and heart and mind: What a great reminder today's dependent co-arising was and is.

Breathing in, I calm myself. Breathing out, I smile.

To breathe as such is to fall into place with things as they are. It fosters a gradual shift in focus away from our usual "I" as it imagines itself. The "I" that believes itself alone in its experience, alone in its fight for preservation, for happiness, security, and some sense of meaning. The "I" in infinite divorce from the world, from others, and ultimately, ironically, itself. To breathe mindfully fosters a shift toward a holistic "I", an "I" living in mutual relationship with the world, with the cool air, the rustling leaves, the rain still pit-patting our windowpanes. It is one way we can foster knowledge of our dependent co-arising with the micro- and macro-worlds that weave about us, contiguously, from one moment to the next.

an art like everything else

2008-11-12T13:21:00.000-08:00

Trouble breathing lately.

Cold weather season, allergic-asthma time of year, plus more anxiety than usual. This practice takes work: to exhale worry (over things I can't control) & inhale calm.

Last night I went with my dad and bro to a college football game in Dekalb, Illinois, and it was so outside the realm of usual weeknight goings-on (and so cold) that I took time to notice to my breath [breath pictured].

Deep breaths take work. Trying not to return to my default settings takes work! In any case, the breaths looked nice floating out over Huskie Stadium.

Also breathing easier last night: the Central Michigan football team, having beat Northern Illinois 33-30 in overtime.

needling

2008-11-12T11:58:00.000-08:00

I tried again to make a time set aside to breathe, but I just didn't find it - I didn't make it. But I breathed all day - and remembered that this was what I was supposed to be doing - and felt such success. I'm taking that with me.

I saw other people breathing all day too, and I felt a connection. Also, since I don't really know who the other people are who are co-arising with me, I imagined that these people were all part of a conspiracy of possibility. We smiled at each other all day. I remember:

the Bus

the Train

my Bike

Harvestime

the Concert

my Husband

Breathing in I calm myself, Breathing out, I smile.

2008-11-12T01:22:00.000-08:00

Breathing in, I acknowledge the gift of oxygen being sent to my brain and conscious thoughts that it produces. Breathing out I smile. My life is so rich.

Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head

2008-11-11T21:32:00.000-08:00

walking...

2008-11-11T20:43:00.000-08:00

a walk...

...this is an audio representation of a walk around the block tonight - it's been edited a little...

Time within Time

2008-11-11T20:39:00.000-08:00

What a blessing today's dependent co-arising was! Another long, cold, tiresome, and rainy day, but these factors were the foundation for a time of great reflection/meditation/struggle/and insight.

I stepped outside at 9:31 pm, took a deep breath, and begin walking as slowly (AWKWARDLY!) as possible. At first I had to fight myself to take one mindful step at a time. My whole physiological self was determined to fall lock-step into its habitual pace. Into the rushed numbness/narcissism that is modern life. But I wouldn't have it. Not tonight. I focused on my breath, allowed it to enter and exit, and lifted one foot after another, over and over again, with more intention than I've ever given the act of walking.

It was cold and wet, but these facts never became nuisances. At such a slow and mindful pace I was able to appreciate everything more fully. The Dale Chihuly blown-glass quality of the leaves piled nonchalantly across the grass and sidewalk, a day's worth of water lending them a healthy sheen. The pit-pat of raindrops falling miles and miles into bare branches where they waited, remained, and gathered mass until gravity pulled them downward, big collective drops bursting upon my shoulders.

I felt myself falling into a natural rhythm, walking in and out of different dimensions of time. There were, of course, the cars, carrying their passengers quickly across the city streets, trails of mist thrust up off the road from their spinning tires. There were the pedestrians, walking to and fro, shoes scraping the pavement, high heels click-clacking, a polyrhythmic crescendo dopplering its way all around me. The leaves, the bushes, the subtle star-like sparkle of streetlights reflected in the sidewalk. Stillness in the margins, lurking in shadows, always ready to present itself, yet always passed by in haste. Always traded for other destinations. Always victim to our insufficient ability to be here, now, moment to moment, mindful of these different dimensions of time always already dependently co-arising around us.

My heart softened, and my walk began feeling like a vigil. An attempt to spread, with each step, some measure of compassion or lovingkindness. To send a prayer to each square inch of earth, cement, brick, and shingle. To each inhabitant, each unknown neighbor, hoping their hearts might know peace and love. That they might find a place of rest where breathing is good and sweet, where energy is restored.

This walking action/meditation was healthy for me. It brought me face to face with myself. With my insecurities, with familiar patterns I've failed to question. Taking things so slowly shocked me, in a way, into a deeper awareness of my neighborhood and of myself. I was able to look deeply at the healthy and unhealthy ways I relate to this place I call home. And most importantly, I was able to find a deep thankfulness and appreciation for all the loved ones in my life, for their unconditional positive regard toward me, for their joyful spirits, for their selfless hearts, and for their absolute infinite et cetera of good greatness!!!

An hour later, arriving in front of my apartment building, craning my head upwards toward the warm light leaking through our windowshades, I gave thanks. Big thanks. To God. To family. To friends. To rain. To trees. To you. And you. And you as well.

What a blessing, friends.

Goodnight.

2008-11-11T19:52:00.001-08:00

We were a group of four decidedly walking instead of driving to dinner. We tried our best to walk slowly all huddled together inside our coats, dodging puddles and sharing stories from our day we took the alley instead of the sidewalk. I noticed how much good trash there is in Ukrainian Village, vintage couch cushions soaked to the core and an old rolling chair. Gradually we picked up speed, with the restaurant in sight we ran across traffic only to find it closed for a private party... oh well, driving to Chinatown doesn't sound that bad after all, so we drove slowly.

Drip Drip Drip

2008-11-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

I was exposed. Rain was opening me up. I could of cried. My camera was exposed. My legs turned into Emo Phillip's Speech. I craned. I poked. There were stares, but I shushed them with wavy arms, and sex eyes. "SLOW DOWN EVERYBODY! I DID!" I explained. "I JUST WENT AHEAD AND SLOWED DOWN AND I FEEL LIKE MAGIC. HECK, I FEEL LIKE MAGIC WEARING SUNGLASSES."

Walk Around the Block and a Detour

2008-11-11T17:36:00.001-08:00

My friend Crys arrived via bus at point A of my block. We then walked 3/4ths of the way around the block, to point B, C, and D. From there, however, we detoured to the left and went up the street to the coffee shop. I was diligently working on my neighborhood mapping project when my young friends joined us. The eight year old drew a better house than I. So we spent a few hours there, let the girls draw with my colored pencil, talked spanish to a spanish teacher, got a 'zine, drank jones sodas and ate cookies... After we left we completed the circuit back to point D and on to A. The most interesting thing we saw on the walk itself was an old gutted cash register outside a store in the garbage pile with fall leaves on and in it. If you count the detour as continuing the walk then it lasted very long and we had a great time with two fourth graders.

Drizzle Fest

2008-11-11T17:01:00.000-08:00

Despite the cold day of working outside in the rain, and my internal battle against sweatpants and tea, I ventured out immediately after work.

1. Without being too hard on myself, I realized it was very difficult to walk slow in the cold and rain. Brrrr...!

2. Must relax shoulders and enjoy something about this.

3. Ahh, yes...I love the sound of the rain on top my pink umbrella.

4. I took enjoyment at peering in at the decorations of those trusting citizens willing to keep their shades up.

5. I noticed how a pile of dog poo was in the exact shape of a pyramid...nicely done! I may have missed that were I walking my normal pace.

inside-out

2008-11-11T14:05:00.000-08:00

got to walk right after the rain, right before the sun started to set - that perfect setting where the clouds cover the sun just enough to make the air seem unusually dim yet clear.

makes the color of the leaves seem highlighted somehow - brilliant against the gray atmosphere, like the kind of hand of God directing my attention to where it should be: outside of me.

'i love my block' i thought, walking among leaves the size of my feet, looking at flowers standing tall and pretty on the brink of their winter demise, and cozy homes stacked side by side.

but turn the corner and the leaves dissipate, fade into blowing bits of garbage instead, cigarette butts, pavement eating up the yards of the buildings. i start to notice how cold it is, how i should be walking quicker than i am.

its like i walked from the inside of the block out - from the personal interior of homes and families to the cold exterior of businesses and car-filled streets. from the quiet inside to the incessant movement of the outside.

'i love my block', i thought.

2008-11-11T13:19:00.000-08:00

adding an image is easy:
on the tool bar above the text box (where it says "font") click on the picture icon (in between the ABC over the check and the film icon) and a screen will pop up that will ask you to upload your image. good luck!

2008-11-11T12:49:00.000-08:00

There was so much traveling today. I was in a group for all of it and taking slow steps really wasn't an option. I got frustrated by that, but then tried to take swift-conscious steps instead. It dawned on me that completing every task with a set idea of what I'm going to do each day really isn't possible, and I'm glad/pissed off about that at the same time. Glad that I'm not living a life that I can entirely dictate. Pissed off that I don't have control of everyone-thing-where. It's a lot of work to be flexible. A choice. Sometimes its not fun, but its always possible (I think).

Bookended kneeling at the Metra

2008-11-11T12:45:00.000-08:00

I take the 7:12 Metra to work every morning. The only good thing about this is that I get to watch the sun rise over the downtown skyline. Sitting on my knees and watching this happen made me feel more comfortable in the space - like I was in my own living room waiting for the train.
I also sat on my knees while waiting for my 5:43 train home (not pictured). There are two things about my home commute I would like to share: 1.) when the Northbound train comes in and stops, it illuminates a tiny patch of track and some wild grass and brush. It is very easy to squint your eyes and pretend that you are in some tiny nowhere town in the middle of Nebraska, for example. 2.) Evanston likes to think of itself as a cosmopolitan place, but it suffers from less light pollution than Chicago and at night you can see stars and the sky is almost inky black.
I sat on my knees a third time also, but that has been written about already.

TIME!

2008-11-11T10:10:00.000-08:00

Time was freaking me out - and I was frustrated by the length of the line at the post office

I HAVE TO KNEEL!!!! HURRY UP!!!!

So I knelt, and scooted, and re-thought my frustration. The need to kneel was too weighty, and so I scrapped my plans to kneel where I planned to, and knelt where I was. It was nice to have plan, but to let it go when a perfect opportunity presented itself was freeing. It made me very self-conscious. I don't really think people were looking at me, but just the same......... Also - I saw a little boy much better - I couldn't see the top of his head. I started to try and decide what things he might think of as the focal points in the room and made a sculpture out of some things that I gathered (ljs).

Also - I don't get how to post a picture here - can anyone help me figure it out?

11/10/08

2008-11-10T21:00:00.000-08:00

What a day fellow co-arisers!!! I worked a good twelve hours today. Tuckered me out a good deal. Struggled with some bad attitudes. But!!! I had the hope of dependently co-arising with all of you! That hope gave my heart and soul the spark it required to make the most of this glorious evening!

Jan and I ventured to Welles Park, breathing in the crisp, cool air, catching up with one another after long, tiresome days. Jan had the inspired idea to kneel in the playground area of the park. We made our way across the field, past the late-night man-dog frisbee team, into the darkened realm of cold slides and swings. I'd have to say this activity was not immediately meditative or reflective for me. It was, however, incredibly lighthearted and playful. And I desperately needed some play this evening!

After our late-night recess in the park we made our way to the Bad Dog Tavern & Grill to share a sandwich over some sweet brews. We ate and drank slowly, thankful for some time together, time to talk and laugh, time to be in one another's presence without distraction, time to unload some of the day's weight and breathe easier. It was very good and altogether necessary! We ended our date/co-arising by kneeling in the midst of the tavern's clientele, our waiter Chad kindly taking a photo of us and our full tummies.

It is a good thing, friends. A good thing indeed. To fill our days with positive intention! With mindful purpose! To bridge the artificial gap between one another and arrive in the lichtung, or clearing, where our true being can present itself, unencumbered, free to be with all others as one. I'm thankful for this opportunity to nourish awareness with all of you!

Goodnight and happy dependent co-arising!

Place.

2008-11-10T20:26:00.000-08:00

We sat on our knees on Humboldt Boulevard, near the Bloomingdale Line. We discussed how sitting on our knees really forces you to stop and consider. There was a stillness in the air. After that, we walked around for a little bit while our dinner cooked in the oven.

In the moving train.

2008-11-10T20:20:00.000-08:00

In the train, in the train,

sat on my knees

difficult and painful.

i am unable to sit on my knees.

2008-11-10T19:15:00.000-08:00

i am unable to sit on my knees.

2008-11-10T17:48:00.000-08:00

Together under the bright bright moon thinking we saw a rabbit, watching our breath in the air, keeping warm and keeping company.

Under the Oak Tree

2008-11-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

I went to Waters Community Garden tonight to my favorite spot. Under a big oak tree. I knelt down and felt a cushion of leaves about 6 inches deep. They crunched under my weight, and I remembered my old days of raking leaves all afternoon for the sole purpose of hurling myself into them. I breathed and smelled the brisk fall night.

It was pretty quiet until I noticed the series of jets flying above me. I was directly beneath the flight path of a major airport. I thought about the people up in the airplanes and wondered where they were going. They were just on the ground minutes before and now they are cruising the lower atmosphere. Is Matt in one of those planes? I resolved yes! He must be in that one! I had just driven him and the members of Anathallo to the airport where they were headed to Europe. I gave him a big smile from under the oak tree. We are always connected.

2008-11-10T17:22:00.000-08:00

I live behind a blanket door.

World As Teacher (Day 1 Post)

2008-11-10T16:13:00.000-08:00

I had once sat cross-legged on the sidewalk of a benchless bus stop and had peanut butter cheese crackers thrown at me, so of all the possible tasks, this was one i looked the lease forward to. But I was determined to get this task completed, so just before 7 PM, I knelt in the seiza position I had used in karate classes. It was dark out, but I made sure I was far enough on the sidewalk and under the street light so I wouldn't scare the bejesus out of anyone who happened by. Of all of the people who biked or drove by, none noticed me. I think two walking people saw me, but they were on the other side of the street and didn't say anything. I thought I felt a gaze out of one of the apartment building windows across the street. But that was about it as far as human interaction. I sat there and kept thinking about the fact that I was in seiza position. It seemed only natural to mediate. In the opening of every karate class we had a ritual that went like this: Seiza (kneeling position), Mokuso (Meditate), Shomenei Rei (bow to floor and show respect to the ancestors, to all who have come before, to each other, by saying thank you (domo arigato gozaimasu), then sensei ne rei, (bow to the sensei/teacher and say thank you). I sat there and listened to all of the sounds. There is a church across the street and I heard the most wonderful voice of an older black man singing with all of his heart. I knew who it was because I once saw him come out of the church still singing in that magnificent tenor. The leaves rustled around me. I could hear the cars on the main road. I thought about the shootings that happened on Saturday here in my neighborhood. I thought about the changing of seasons. I bowed, putting my hands on the ground, fingers pointed towards each other, lowered my head thank you, rose up put my hands back in the same spot, lowered my head, thank you.

2008-11-10T12:29:00.000-08:00

At the airport in Chicago waiting for a flight to Frankfurt. My main reaction throughout the day was embarrassment when thinking about the idea of sitting on my knees in a public place. For some reason it occurred to me that I should do it in a major walkway when we arrived at the airport. I got a little freaked out, but decided that counting backward from 60 would be a good idea. I closed my eyes and thought about you all, everyone passing me, everyone everywhere and the thought made me feel safe, so I didn't count.

Here we go!!!

2008-11-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

So, everyone, here we go!

Underneath the header, "Dependent Co-Arising" (right there at the top of the page), you will find each day's action! Our first action happens to be: Sit on your knees in a public place. You are free to experience this action, and all the others that will follow, however you'd like. And then! Then you can record your experience however you'd like. Write about it! Take a picture of it! Post a video of it! Draw a picture of it! Etcetera & etcetera ad infinitum!

Log on here, to this little blog we've all got, and make a new post each day with your thoughts, pictures, videos, drawings, etc. We can all read about and experience each other's experiences through this blog, and continue the conversation, if we choose, by commenting on one another's posts. Yes!

This is going to be great! Let's dependently co-arise!!!

LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove!!!

Lets Arise Together!

2008-10-23T19:47:00.001-07:00

November 10th will be our first action of dependent co-arising!!! Mark your calenders! Tell your friends! Your family!

Email us if you have any questions: dependentcoarising@gmail.com!!! Yes!!! Let's get ready for a beautiful experience!